"Theor-yee Theor-yee..Come One Come All"

I have a theory; that theory is just a theory. When you whisper “theory”, the conspiracist pulls you into a dimly-lit ally with a rant that could instantly cause a migraine.  When you speak of “theory”, the layman cringes, shuts down, ignores, or simply exits the conversation with high levels of frustration. When you write of “theory”, the scholar becomes dependent upon you and you develop into a life-blood of social science or any other kind of science for that matter. Theory can be so complicated and thick it takes a sharpened pooper-scooper to sift through for the golden nuggets, or it can be as basic as saying “when it rains trees get wet”. 

We as humans theorize constantly in our daily lives. Theory can often just be another word for generalizing or explaining the way the world works around us. We generalize that if we work, we will get paid. Now, this is certainly is not always the case but the theory that it is, gets us out of bed every day. We generalize that if we shower, we will get clean. This once again, is not always accurate, but it keeps us from clearing rooms out as we enter. Theory gives us organization and structure as well assumptions for survival. Theory is compartmentalizing the spheres of life in which we cannot escape. One sphere or phenomenon we cannot escape is that of deception. At least 25% of all conversations, deception and suspected deception arise (DePaulo 1994). Since deception is so prevalent as well as dynamic in social-life there has been many theories formulated by social scientists as well as everyday people.  In this week’s blog I will examine two deception-theories and how they may relate to the act of deception in romantic relationships; Interpersonal Deception Theory and Social Comparison Theory.

Erving Goffman in 1959 said, “Communication is founded on the presumption of truth”.  Now if that isn’t a theory let this computerized paper I am typing on burst in flames. Waiting…Nope looks like we are safe, a theory it is. We assume, until otherwise tipped off, that when we have conversations with our partner(s) we are receiving nothing but the truth; sadly this not the case. We are deceived more times than any of us will ever be aware of. Interpersonal Deception Theory (IDT) was formulated to frame interpersonal interaction where the communicator’s believability comes into question. (Buller & Burgoon, 1996)

Interpersonal Deception Theory (IDT) rests on face-to-face interaction as opposed to deception over the telephone, text, or email. Deception occurs in romantic relationships when one partner attempts to control the information in their messages to convey meanings that depart from the truth. This is purposeful and strategic construction of messages. The partner has goals of getting away with something, gaining access to something, or protecting something. IDT is concerned with: interaction as well as pre-interaction patterns of partners, communicator goals, partner’s typical behavior patterns, expectations, interpretations, evaluations, social skills and contextual factors of interpersonal relationships. (Buller & Burgoon, 1996)

IDT says that if any or all of the expectations of the factors above are negatively affected or even shattered than suspicion arises. When that suspicion is felt by the receiver the partner communicating’s believability becomes questioned or challenged. This theory says deception is essentially a process of mutual influence between two partners who manipulate information to move away from the truth and receivers who try to establish the validity and truthfulness of the messages. When the receiver feels the communicator is not acting according to the patterns of their behavior established in the past, IDT says trustworthiness and authenticity become confronted.

I hope this notion of theory hasn’t heightened your blood pressure quite yet because I have one more to introduce. Social Comparison Theory (SCT) is the idea that, “people are generally motivated to evaluate their opinions and abilities and that one way to satisfy this need for self-evaluation is to compare themselves to others” (Argo, White & Dahl, 2006, pg. 100). This social comparison can be threatening to ones-self. These threats to self can and often will lead to negative reactions. One such negative reaction is the act of deception. Argo and the quoted researchers above performed a study that found; overall people are willing to utilize deception as a protection mechanism in response to social situations that pose a threat to their self-image and/or self-worth.

I think very few people would argue that lying and deceiving your partner is a selfish act. Although past research says people can lie to protect, but I would argue that still remains a selfish act because the deceiver is making attempts at protecting their own personal relationship which benefits themselves. In Social Comparison Theory it is the ego as well as internal and external image that are being defended from threats; this is simply a selfish and self-serving act. The deceiver is lying to their partner in order to protect their image in the eyes of their lover. The deceiver may be comparing themselves to friends and family in romantic relationships to discover what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. The liar may be comparing him/herself to fictional characters in books, movies, or television shows to find out where they themselves stand in their personal decisions, actions, and thoughts. The comparison of others becomes an internal battle in which the deceiver must construct effective tools of protecting their image. Deception becomes the go-to mechanism; often to save-face in their relationship(s).

Lying and deception of your partner may achieve short-term self-focused goals, but the long-term issues and problems that arise may be severe and damaging to your relationship(s). So use discretion on your own personal theories of what’s appropriate in specific situations in your own romantic relationship(s). The theories I have spoken about here are just frames of perspective at looking at deception. Do what feels right, and always trust your intuition, it’s a skill of evolution, do not ignore it.   

References:

Buller D.B., Burgoon, J.K. (1996) “Interpersonal Deception Theory”.  Communication Theory. Vol. 6 Sec. 3.  pp. 203-242.

Argo, J.J., White, K., Dahl, D.W. (2006) “Social Comparison Theory and Deception in the Interpersonal Exchange of Consumption Information.” Journal of Consumer Research. Vol. 33. pp. 99-108